Dear Heisters,

You're kind of like a shyster but better, because you're a Heister.

The smartly dressed duo went into Graff Jewellers in the upmarket Mayfair district last Thursday afternoon, threatened staff with handguns and briefly took a female member of staff hostage.
[Reuters]

It is you, "smartly dressed" Heisters, that give us faith in the fantasy.

I mean especially with movie after movie after movie about incredible heists it's reassuring to know that heisting really does take place in real life especially in digital age where heisting is probably a way bigger risk than it was before clever heist-stopping inventions like fingerprints, DNA, and video cameras were created to stop you Heisters.

I mean really, we live in a time people get caught by Google Street View jumping fences and coming out of porn shops!

So, it's nice to know that some men in this world actually have the balls to come through and really pull off a grand heist and not get caught within the first 30 seconds.

Kudos to you, Heisters.


Regards,
Everyone

Ed. Note: You know who to contact if you see those Heisters in the photo above.

N.B. This open letter submitted by TCFS

Dear Paul Reubens,

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU!

The Pee-wee Herman Show, starring Paul Reubens, has announced an extension of its engagement at the Music Box @ Fonda in Hollywood. The production will begin previews November 8, with an opening on November 19, and a new closing date of December 20.

The stage production will be a "re-imagined" version of the show, and will feature Pee-wee regulars, including Miss Yvonne, Mailman Mike, Cowboy Curtis, and Jambi the Genie.
[Theater Mania]

Just no more pulling out your pee wee in public, ok? Cuz no one wants to see that shit.

XoXo - Feel free to recreate Blow for your next project.


Regards,
Everyone

N.B. This open letter submitted by TCFS

Ed. Note: When all else fails - like a career - just go with what you know.

Dear Scarlett Johansson,

Bring back your boobs.



People pay for these things. Don't go getting all Hollywood anorexic to try to fit in.

Face it: The boobs and hips are the only reason you're famous. Respect that shiz.

Ok fine, Lost In Translation was pretty good too.


Regards,
Everyone

Where the hell did they go?!



N.B. This open letter submitted by TCFS

Dear News Media,

Why do you have to go and be so negative all the time???? Google has over 22,000 employees, they laid off 200. That's nothing. No big deal.

Yet meanwhile, in a time when CEO's of various corporations are taking in over a million in BONUS alone, the founders and CEO's of Google are only paying themselves $1.00 in salary. ONE. DOLLAR.

Yes, I know they get stock and all that stuff, but the stock got crushed this year and they're still taking a dollar salary. These people are doing good in the world, but the news media won't report it. Oh no, that'd be too positive.

No wonder the economy is in crisis.

We highlight the negative money grubbing spenders, the layoffs and the crime, rather than acknowledging the good guys, the ones who are creating jobs, taking $1 salaries and donating money to cure diseases.

I'm not surprised that you're going out of business, News Media.



Regards,
Everyone





N.B. This open letter submitted by TCFS

Dear Transition Lenses,

Make up your goddamn mind.


Regards,
Everyone



N.B. This open letter submitted by TCFS

Dear Mom,

Please stop forwarding me e-mails from all of your 50 year old lady friends who think its funny to pass along Good Luck chain letters, Obama jokes, and anything where I have to scroll past 6,000 forwarded e-mail addresses to see the useless information that you naively thought was funny to send to me.

I love you. I really do. But I forwarded this stuff when I was 13 (you know, when Al Gore invented the Internet).

Stop spamming your own child. Please.



Regards,
Everyone



N.B. This open letter submitted by TCFS

Dear Double Espresso,

You are the tequila shot of coffee drinks.

Just when everyone thinks the party is over and its time to stumble blindly home, saturated in drunkenness and go to bed, some inner demon calls and says "no, don't go yet, get tequila shots! Yes, tequila!" With visions of the Pee Wee Herman dance in your head you valiantly order another round of the beloved beverage, open up a tab, makeout with your lifelong crush and finally earn the coveted nickname of "party animal"

That is who you are to me, Espresso. Except replace "drunkenness" with "misery" and "bar" with "office" and "Pee Wee Herman" dance with "killing myself"



Regards,
Everyone



N.B. This open letter submitted by TCFS

Dear Closeted Gay Men,

Cut the bullshit and come out already. Grow a pair, really. YOU are the reason people don't accept gay people. Maybe if these radical, psychopathic christians or mormons or whatever knew that their nephew or husband or church choir boy or priest for gods sake, enjoyed smoking pole every now and again, then maybe they could be more forgiving. We're all human. Look at how much fun the out of the closet gays are having.

Out with it already.


Regards,
Everyone

N.B. This open letter submitted by TCFS

Dear Stock Market,

You are fucked.


Regards,
Everyone



N.B. This open letter submitted by TCFS

Knowledge:
Dow Jones, S&P, NASDAQ trends in the past year. Courtesy of Google Finance.

Dear Bachelor,

You're kid is going to be so f*cked up from all of your selfish, pitiful woman chasing. Did you really break down and cry on national TV? Did you really introduce a 3 year old to two mommies? Did you really LOSE on the bachelorette?

You suck.


Regards,
Everyone



N.B. This open letter submitted by TCFS

P.S. In addition, reality television sucks. Regards, [J]

Dear Renee Zellwegger,

Open your eyes.


Regards,
Everyone



N.B. This open letter submitted by TCFS