Dear Chris Brown,

We've written time and time again about how we feel about you.

Well, you've finally been sentenced and here is your punishment for beating up chicks:

Pop singer Chris Brown was sentenced Tuesday to serve five years probation and to spend more than 1,400 hours in "labor-oriented service" for assaulting his pop star girlfriend, Rihanna.
[CNN]

We know you only hit her because you love her so much but this is what you get.

Not surprisingly, your well-documented punch-up with Rihanna wasn't the first time.

The first incident allegedly occurred about three months earlier, in Europe, when Brown and Rihanna were in a "verbal dispute," according to the report ... She slapped him and Brown responded by shoving her into a wall,the report alleged.

Three weeks before the February incident, Brown and Rihanna were in Barbados, driving a Range Rover lent to them by a local dealership when they had an argument inside the car, according to the report. Brown got out and broke both the front driver and passenger side windows, the report alleged.
[LA Times]

You would think that after watching your mother get beat up, you wouldn't go down that path.

Listen, all we gotta say is this: Chill. The fuck. Out.

You're only 20. There's plenty of time to squander your millions, grow into a curmudgeon and be angry and bitter about the world. Just chill out right now. And stop beating women. Thanks.


Regards,
Everyone

Dear Chris Brown and Rihanna,

We bit our tongue. We didn't want to say anything. But, ultimately, we had to say something.

We get it guys:
1. Chris, you like to beat women sometimes. Hey, it happens! Bitch had it coming, right?
2. Rihanna, he hits you because he loves you, right? Right!

But after your well publicized incident you assholes may or may not be back together and you jerks may or may not record a song together?

Are you guys fucking kidding me? (If we have to explain why that's mentally suspect, then you deserve a "Dear People Who Don't Get It" letter)


Here are two basic suggestions for a successful relationship:
1. Don't hit your significant other.
2. Don't stay with a significant other who beats you.

Yes, Mr. Brown and Ms. Fenty, we know these suggestions are hard to understand but it would be a start for you guys.


Regards,
Everyone

Dear Chris Brown,

Alleged assault? On a woman? On Rhianna? And on Grammy night?

That's pretty classy. Allegedly.


Regards,
Everyone

LA Times: Singer Chris Brown under investigation in alleged assault