Dear Zombies,

Quit fucking up Time Warner's Internet and cable TV. You're making it real hard for me to search for hard news, learn from educational videos on National Geographic's web site, and watch the San Diego Zoo panda cam.

Thanks for nothing. Assholes.


Regards,
Everyone

PS: And Dear Time Warner Cable, stop being so susceptible to zombie attacks. Please learn how to fight back more effectively. Thank you. Regards, Everyone.


Here's what Time Warner Cable had to say for themselves:

We suspect that the attackers are using "zombie computers," or hijacking unsuspecting subscribers’ machines to perpetuate the attack without its owner’s knowledge.

Click here for a bit more on Time Warner Cable's issues in Los Angeles.

Dear Time Warner Cable,

This is the second time in two weeks that our cable TV and Internet has been out for over a day. I mean, thanks for fixing it. I guess. All your service folk are actually nice. But these problems probably shouldn't happen in the first place, right?

Aside from the obvious, I'm not sure what an amplifier does but I took a look at it and its RadioShack-style power supply and - let's be honest here - it doesn't look all that complicated. These things shouldn't be breaking down.

So, c'mon assholes pull your shit together.

And while I'm ranting ... Why the hell did you move Animal Planet to some premium cable package after you bought Adelphia? Jerks.

Whatever. I'm probably switching to AT&T's TV and Internet service anyway. Like a gold-digging boy/girlfriend, I've wasted enough time and money on you.

Thanks for playing, Time Warner Cable. You'll get 'em next season.


Regards,
Everyone

The culprit: