Dear Lawrence Taylor,

Usually we tend to say, "Listen we get it..." but, listen, we don't get it.

We do get that you like young chicks. We get that you like to pay for sex. We get that you like to spare no expense at the Holiday Inn.

But let's be honest here: Your pimp couldn't get you someone legal?

We're shaking our heads here. We just don't get it.

Isn't there some sort of provision in the Client-Pimp relationship that makes sure that the client doesn't end up with a rape charge?

Then again, you forgot the first rule of buying sex: Never trust a pimp.

Why can't you be like other respectable high-powered businessmen, politicians, pro-athletes and Tiger Woods and just get yourself a porn star or a stripper?

Oh, wait, that's right. You're kind of a sick fuck.


Allegedly.

Regards,
Everyone

PS: And LT, you better get some thank you cards from Tiger Woods, Jesse James, and Big Rape Roethlisberger. You took the cake on this one.

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Dear Regards, Everyone,

Where the hell have you been?

We were used to checking out the blog semi-regularly, reading some pseduo-humorous posts on the world around us, and then (sometimes) coming down with a case of the L-O-Ls.

But you haven't posted since the 25th of November 2009.

What gives?

Are you dead? Did you have too much to eat during Thanksgiving? Did you get arrested after driving a modified electric Barbie car? Did Jay Leno steal your job and NBC didn't allow you to blog until a later date (but you can still Tweet)? Did you, Tiger Woods, and Jesse James(not the outlaw) go to rehab for your alleged "sex addiction"? Did you turn into a drunk Scottish bear? Or maybe you've been cheating on your blog with another blog?

To borrow a quote from the poet of our generation, Britney Spears, "Gimmie, gimmie more."


Jerk.

Regards,
Everyone

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N.B. This open letter submitted by Regards, Everyone Fan Club #42, West Des Moines, IA

N.B. This video brought to you by Britney, bitch.