Dear Michael Phelps,

Now I know why you eat 12,000,000 calories a day!

I get it, Phelpsy, athletes aren't role models. And c'mon you won 14 gold medals. What's a little weed?

See you at the next Dave show, bro.

Regards,
Everyone

Dear Los Angeles Drivers,

CHRIST, IT'S ONLY RAIN.

Regards,
Everyone



I'm not sure what happens when it starts to rain but even the best drivers in Los Angeles panic and drive 20 miles per hour, don't brake early enough, get into fender-benders and just freak. the. fuck. out.

What's the deal? Sure, some might say, "Oh, it's all these people in Los Angeles who don't know how to drive in the rain."

But last I checked, there are a lot of transplants from traditionally rainy cities that live here and they fuck up too (but then blame it on "LA drivers." I call bullshit).

Either way, it's rainy. Deal with it.

PS: Who uses GIF files anymore?! This guy (and MySpace users and web sites from 1997).

Dear Christian Bale,

You're the best.

Regards,
Everyone


I love Christian Bale and not just for The Prestige, Newsies and Empire of the Sun.

This is why: http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_audio/020209_christianbale.mp3

And here's the amazing remix:


Amazing, right?

Two things I wish Christian Bale would've said:
"WHY???" (in the Batman voice) and "You'll never work in this town again."

Some people think this guy is nuts ... but think about it. This is a guy who quite literally portrayed an American Psycho. This is a guy who dropped, like, a thousand pounds for The Machinst and then gained that back and then some so he could revive the Batman franchise. It would be an understatement to say that Bale is pretty into his roles.

Meanwhile, that poor ol' director of photography has done stuff like Mr. 3000, Semi-Pro, Crazy/Beautiful, Drumline. What was he going to say to Christian Bale? "Hey, shut the fuck up, I shot Semi-Pro?"

According to Wikipedia:

Assistant director and producer of Terminator: Salvation Bruce Franklin said it was an isolated incident.

"If you are working in a very intense scene and someone takes you out of your groove...It was the most emotional scene in the movie," said Franklin. "And for him to get stopped in the middle of it. He is very intensely involved in his character. He didn't walk around like that all day long. It was just a moment and it passed."

CHRISTIAN. BALE. IS. INTENSE.

And that's why he rules.