Dear Bats and Dolphins,

Watch out, assholes!

Recently we showed some concern about vampire bats and their marine, echo locating counterparts but soon humans will be able to play your game!

Humans probably used to rely on echolocation far more in the days before artificial lighting, when we had to find our way round in the dark. The readiness with which people learn sonar suggests to me it may be an inbuilt skill.
[New Scientist]

This Daniel Kish guy is blind but he's using a series of clicks to find his way. This is fantastic news!

Kish is the man that is going to lead the revolution against you, you creepy Bats and Dolphins. You guys thought you could enslave humans but you're wrong. Dead wrong.

Kish's tactics and training methods will certainly lead us to victory over all echolocating enemies foreign and domestic!

Daniel Kish is our real-life John Connor.

May your wings and flippers tremble with fear.


Regards,
Everyone

Seriously, though, this might have some awesome functions during times of peace between dolphins and bats and humans:

Dear Dolphins Who Blow Rings,

We are all worried.

We don't know what plans you have for yourselves and the world but it's really only a matter of time before you take over the world with your creepy language and your superior intelligence and learning skills.

First there's bubble rings that you can manipulate with your snout and then what? Seashell-Bombs to kill all humans?!




Not surprisingly, The Onion broke the story of dolphins and their opposable thumbs back in 2000:

Thus far, all the opposable digits encountered appear to be fully functional, making it possible for dolphins–believed to be capable of faster and more complex cogitation than man–to manipulate objects, fashion tools, and construct rudimentary pulley and lever systems.
[The Onion // 30 Aug 2000]

First it's thumbs and then what? Some sort of water-helmet device that allows you to breathe out of water and enslave humans?!

Listen, Dolphins Who Blow Rings, with Barack Obama in the White House bringing Republicans and Democrats together, we feel as if President Obama can bring Dolphins and Humans together. We can truly coexist in peace and happiness.

Please have mercy on us.


Regards,
Everyone