Dear Alternative Units of Measurement,

When standard boring units of measurement don't do the job there's always you, Mr. Alternative Units of Measurement.

3. Alligators: There have been some who say they have never heard this unit of measurement but this is one of our favorites. This is most commonly used on the two-hand-touch (American)football field where one gets "x alligators" before they can rush the quarterback. Some allegedly use "one-thousands" but those aren't as menacing as "alligators." [See below for a ferocious picture]




2. Jiffy: Lo and behold, the "jiffy" is actually used as a unit of measurement. According to Wikipedia a jiffy is typically 0.01 seconds.

Well, whatever the case, now we know when someone says they'll be "back in a jiffy," we can hold them to it.

Also, we have some serious questions for the Jiffy Pop guys. More like 300 jiffys. Jerks.




1. Bucket: Then, of course, there is the bucket. Long-time readers of Regards, Everyone can look back and see the love for the bucket.

And it still stands as the best Alternative Unit of Measurement.



Of course, Mr. Alternative Units of Measurement, there are so many to choose from. An honorable mention would have to be the shake. Well, two shakes to be more specific.

We look forward to using more of you in our daily lives.

Thank you.


Regards,
Everyone

Now, I'll give you three alligators to find me a place that can bring me a bucket of Alaskan king crab in a jiffy. Thanks.

And ... what is your favorite Alternative Unit of Measurement?

Dear Bucket,

You are an amazing alternative unit of measurement. Better than all those other silly ones.

A lot of kittens? Lame.
A boatload cocaine? Way too much.
A fuck-ton of ice cream? Stupid.
A pile of money? C'mon. Really?

But imagine if it was bucket of kittens? Cocaine? Ice cream? And money?

Listen, a fuck-ton of ice cream would be absolutely wonderful but it's not useful at all! It's just hyperbole.

We get it. "Fuck-ton" or "pile" or "boatload" does indeed get the point across. But it's not as useful in every day life. But with you, Bucket, you get a true idea of how much awesomeness you have.

You can't really go wrong with using you to quantify something. In many ways, you are like Baby Bear's porridge: Just right.



Regards,
Everyone