07 May 2009

Dear Red Sox Customer Service,

We would like to lodge a complaint.

On 31 July 2008, we worked out a trade between a few people for your baseball playing machine Manny Ramirez.

We are pleased to say that the Manny Ramirez worked beyond expectation in the summer and the fall. There were some issues getting the Manny Ramirez to operate properly in the winter but those issues were solved when we realized - as with a lot of baseball playing machines - we just had to put a lot of cash into the battery area to keep it running.

Apparently a lot of baseball playing machines don't run on "pride" and "the love of the game" anymore.

Unfortunately, your product broke down this spring and it appears to be from a pre-existing condition that was not disclosed to us. It seems if this Manny Ramirez baseball playing machine likes to take banned substances and now Major League Baseball won't let us use it on the playing field!

We know that your organization prides itself on putting a quality product on the field and outstanding customer service. We know you believe in turnings wrongs into rights.

Therefore, we would like to return this broken product in exchange for a product of equal or lesser value.

Kevin Youkilis will be more than acceptable or even J.D. Drew Jason Bay.

We believe this is a fair exchange.

We will be looking forward to your UPS return shipping label in our mail box.

Thank you for your time, consideration and understanding.

Everyone Los Angeles Dodgers

Steroids has become such a high-profile issue in baseball. Why would you even risk it?
Manny Ramirez has failed a drug test and has been suspended 50 games starting today, Major League Baseball confirmed.

The suspension will cost Ramirez $7.7 million, or roughly 31% of his $25-million salary. Players in violation of baseball's drug policy are not paid during suspensions.
[LA Times]
Manny says he was taking a fertility drug. Or was he taking a woman's fertility drug that kick starts your testosterone again after using steroids?

Either way, a lot of disappointment and frustration for Dodger fans who have seen their team get out to a really hot start this season.


  1. Anonymous07 May, 2009

    Dear Customer (L.A. Dodgers),
    Your service agreement with the Red Sox expired on December 1, 2008. Please contact your current service provider, Scott Boras. As always, we appreciate your business.
    Red Sox Management

  2. Anonymous07 May, 2009

    Please hold, your call is important to us. Please enjoy the Dropkick Murphys while your party is reached and we hide in our front offices, stroking our 2004 World Series rings like Smeagle and try not to think about what might have occured.

  3. Oh my Lord...that was funny! Makes you sometimes want to smack people upside the head and say, "Did you not pay attention to Forrest Gump?...Remember stupid is as stupid does? Are you listening Manny?" (Geez, there entirely too many Mannys out there trying to buck the system!)

    Oh and love the site!

  4. I like your work