02 April 2009

Dear Nut Processors,

Hey, assholes. Get with the program!
FRESNO, Calif. - Federal food officials are warning Americans not to eat any food containing pistachios because of possible contamination by salmonella, in another food scare sure to rattle consumers already upset by the contamination of peanuts with the same bacteria.
What does this mean for everyones childhood favorite: pistachio ice cream? What about the amazing pistachio cake? Or the always-popular pistachio pie? Nut Processors, you've ruined all these delicious delicacies.

But think about this, Nut Processors, maybe the United States government is trying to fight terrorism at the expense of American pistachio farmers. After all, Iran does produce a lot of pistachios.

The biggest fear, of course, is if sunflower seeds have salmonella. That would certainly be disastrous especially with the baseball season coming up.


Knowledge Awesome Knowledge:
Bulk container shipments of pistachio nuts are prone to self heating and spontaneous combustion because of their high fat and low water content.

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