30 March 2009

Dear ShamWow Guy,

We've all seen you pitch the ShamWow. You do a pretty awesome job. I can't sleep 'cause your late night infomercials PUMP ME UP. I can't sleep because I want max out my credit cards and buy THIRTY-FUCKING-SHAMWOWS.

Are you on commission? Because you must be making buckets of money.

In fact, word just came out that (a) you make enough money to blow on hookers and (b) you like to get involved with some violent hookers.

Let's get this straight, ShamWow Guy:
  • You meet a hooker at a Miami club.
  • Hooker says, "Let's have straight sex."
  • Apparently you are excited by this proposition.
  • So excited that you give the hooker $1,000.00 USD in cash.
  • You kiss this hooker.
  • In the course of kissing, she bites down on your tongue.
  • Using your fists, you pound the hooker in the face until she disengages from your tongue.
  • You run down the lobby (naked? bloody? screaming?)
  • You and the hooker get arrested.

After digesting these facts, I have two important questions for you:
  1. Have you NOT seen the movie Pretty Woman? I think everyone learned that you don't kiss hookers on the mouth - and certainly not with tongue - unless you Love them.
  2. Did you wipe off your bloodied face with a ShamWow? I sure hope you did!!!
I'll be honest with you, ShamWow Guy, I was on the fence about buying some ShamWows but now I'm definitely buying a ShamWow or fifty.

Your insane amazing hooker stunt is the BEST. MARKETING. PLOY. EVER.


No comments:

Post a Comment