17 April 2009

Dear Homeless Guy Who Hangs Out At The End Of The Drive-Thru,

You know what I want when I’m driving away from McDonald’s with a lap full of piping hot fries, big macs, and a large coke with a suspect lid job? You, jumping in front of my car like the Meesta Meesta lady in “Happy Gilmore,” demanding my change.

First of all, I haven’t used cash at a drive thru since 2006.

Second, I go out of my way to avoid you so much that I’ve almost caused two accidents. If that should ever happen, so help me Ronald McDonald I’m going to go Navy SEAL on your ass.

Now, the first hobo to think of the drive thru ambush was a genius.

I bet he won medals or something for laying some baller traps on the Viet Cong right before he lost his mind. You and your hobuds probably saw this visionary working his magic outside a Taco Bell and, like the spread offense and mockumentaries, you had to copy it until it just seemed lazy.

All of you are hobo hacks.

Hobacks, if you will.

And that’s why you’re not getting these seventeen cents. Yeah, I lied to you about the cash part. Now shut it while I roll up this window.


N.B. This letter submitted by Woody Tondorf. Twits can follow him here and the literate can read his blog!

Learn about Hobo Ethics. Hobethics, if you will.


  1. hahaha this one made me laugh so hard and then lost me.

    i should have known it was Tondorf; started off strong, got distracted from its original message and then ended much too quickly.

  2. I disagree, I am still laughing! Keep it up Woody!!