05 April 2009

Dear (Western Christian) God,

This is what we're talking about, God. None of this Ash bullshit!

This is Palm Sunday time!

This was the day Jesus cruises into Jerusalem and pretty much says, "How do you like Me now?" And everyone is hollering at Him and being, like, "You rock, Jesus!"

Then He swings by the Temple and was, like, "What the fuck? Not in My house! And certainly not in My Father's house!" and drives out all those money-changers and other assholes who were buying and selling in the house of the Lord.

We'd like to think He used some sick MMA-moves to kick their asses.

Point is, Palm Sunday is pretty effin' cool. You also get cooler prizes from church like a palm frond shaped like cross. OR A SWORD.


Don't remember that story? Go to Sunday School you heathen.


See? It looks like a sword, right?


  1. God Bless that Jesus, the first true commie!

    You are right. If you want to convert your friends to Catholicism, and the free wine doesn't convince them, Palm Sunday is the mass to go to. Palms are especially mindblowing in the midwest.

  2. I have never seen palms shaped like crosses distributed at Mass. People shape them into crosses on their own after (or during) Mass. I don't know how to shape a palm into a cross :(

    Oh and you forgot to mention that the Palm Sunday Mass is reaaallly long. Not sure it's the best time to convert friends to Catholicism.

  3. Man! Every year I would attend Palm Sunday mass (Church of England - sorta Catholisism's biggest enemy in the UK and yet exactly the same religion...) and yep, like there we would all be handed palm crosses. Oh the sword-fighting that wnet on in the church hall after mass! Brings back memories man :)

  4. LOL! I hope He hears you.

    I never heard of Palm Sunday...I guess I'm some sort of heathen.