Dear People Who Get The Jesus License Plate,

Call us old-fashioned but getting the Lord on your license plate is a bit tacky, don't you think?

It's certainly causing a little controversy in Florida:

The two new designs are Christian-themed, one featuring a cross in front a stained-glass window and the other an image of Jesus Christ in a position that most resembles him on the cross.
[Huffington Post]

If you were regular readers of this blog, you'd know how we feel about personalized license plates and such.

But this really takes the cake.

This is almost as bad as the President Obama commemorative coin.

When Florida Governor Charlie Christ Crist was asked about separation of church and state and he quipped, "If they don't want one they don't have to buy one."

Fair enough, Governor. All of you bible-thumpers can stop complaining about pornography and abortion and gay marriage.

If you don't want one, you don't have to have one.


As for you People Who Get The Jesus License Plate? Please go and hang your head in shame. We're all embarrassed for you.


Regards,
Everyone

Dear Banks,

You know that dog who gets scolded for shitting on some brand new 500 thread count, Egyptian cotton sheets?

The dog comes crawling back feeling really guilty. The dog is sniffling, whimpering, and begging for forgiveness.

Banks? You are that scolded dog.

And now here you are trying to make amends by giving us this guy/girl to float around near the line at the bank offering cheap smiles, marginal assistance and forced small talk.

We see what you're doing there. You're feeling guilty for making horrible decisions and crumbling and asking for bailouts, so you give us this "friendly" bit of customer service.

What a slap in the face!

We know, it's not the fault of these folks who are just doing their jobs. But be warned Banks, don't think that a little improvement in our "banking experience" is going to make us forget about what you did.

Here's a rag, Banks. Go clean yourself up.


Regards,
Everyone

Dear Senator Arlen Specter (D-PA),

Wow. Did this really just happen? Did you really do this?

WASHINGTON - Veteran Republican Sen. Arlen Specter disclosed plans Tuesday to switch parties, bringing Democrats closer to the 60-vote supermajority they need to push Barack Obama's agenda through the Senate.
[MSNBC]

What the hell is going on?! Are cats playing with dogs? Are lions helping lambs cross the street? Are Jews and Palestinians deciding on a mutually agreeable two-state solution? Is the fox in the hen-house just stopping by for a quick chat instead of a quick bite? IS THE SKY FALLING?!

It's quite possible.

Well, Sen. Specter, maybe we shouldn't be so surprised. You've been gradually leaning left over the years and let's be honest here, you're a politician and you want to stay in office.

We see what you did there.

In 2004 you just barely beat your Republican challengers for your seat. And you're just paving the way to curry favor with the Democrats and get some more support for your next election in 2010.

Clever plan! We'll see if it works because the Republicans are pissed and they're out for your throat.


But in the meantime, it will be odd to see you on the other side of the aisle.

This is like seeing Michael Jordan in a Wizards uniform, Johnny Unitas in a San Diego Chargers jersey, Joe Montana in a Chiefs shirt, a square peg in a round hole, Tony Stewart driving the Office Depot/Old Spice car, or a porn star in church.

We'll just have to get used to it.


Regards,
Everyone

This certainly puts a cherry on top of President Obama's first 100 days. His Senate is getting close to the 60 senators needed to beat any filibuster and his approval rating is at 61%!

Dear Vitamin Water Vending Machine,

Not too long ago, we learned that some vending machines take credit cards and we also learned some new Vitamin Water flavors.

What we discovered the other day takes the best of both worlds and puts them into one machine. That machine is you, Vitamin Water Vending Machine.

When we walked past you, we did a double-take. Our heads snapped back, wondering, "Did we just have a stroke? Are we hallucinating?" This is no dream. This is reality. Our hearts were filled with joy.

You could never let us down, Vitamin Water Vending Machine. Keep up the fantastic work.


Regards,
Everyone

Some people like to play those "Desert Island..." games. Like, what are the Top 5 foods you'd have on a desert island or what hot babes/dudes would you want to have on the island or the Top 5 albums you'd take to a desert island.

But I've got a new spin on this game: What are your Top 3 Desert Island Vending Machines?

3. M&M vending machine.
2. A beer vending machine.
1. And, of course, the Vitamin Water Vending Machine.

N.B. Photo taken with my Canon PowerShot SD1100IS.

Dear White Stripes Kittens,

We forgot about you. And we can't believe we forgot about you guys. But we found you again. And all is well in the world.

Take two things:

1. The fantastic garage-rock song "Fell In Love With A Girl" by The White Stripes.
2. Your kitten band.

Animate you guys so you'll play drums and guitar with your paws and we get an explosion of cuteness the likes of which we haven't seen since Kittenwar.com!

Click here to see this incredible music video.

Keep rocking the free world.


Regards,
Everyone