01 May 2009

Dear Vampire Bats,

Dude. Can you guys stop being so creepy?

We thought you jerks flew around and chased people around and got in their hair. But here you are crawling around and being more menacing and disgusting. You creep us out more than a mustached child-molester in a molester van.

Whatever happened to the whole flying thing? Did you eliminate it to maximize your creepiness?

And lets be honest here, your name doesn't really help either.

Take one of the most feared supernatural beings of all time, the Vampire, and take one of the most disgusting creatures of all time, the Bat, and we get you: Vampire Bat.

We know what you're thinking, Vampire Bat. You think that Twilight did a pretty good public service for you.

You got much of the teenage world thinking that some vampires can be nice and these teenage kids girls are now thinking they can cruise right up to you and say, "What's up? Can you be my Edward Cullen?"

It's a pretty good scam but we know that the first chance you get, you'll bite 'em, suck out all their blood and leave them for dead in a ditch.

Listen, all we know is that one of the toughest guys we know is Bruce Wayne and he had to pretend to be a bat to conquer his fear of bats. That's why it's okay if we are scared of you and that's why it's okay we hate your little bat guts.

So, Vampire Bats? Stick with flying, stay away from me and go to hell.


Watch some more awesome videos of bats captured in super-slow motion (I'm sure there's a technical term for "super-slow motion") and be amazed:

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