28 August 2009

Dear Alternative Units of Measurement,

When standard boring units of measurement don't do the job there's always you, Mr. Alternative Units of Measurement.

3. Alligators: There have been some who say they have never heard this unit of measurement but this is one of our favorites. This is most commonly used on the two-hand-touch (American)football field where one gets "x alligators" before they can rush the quarterback. Some allegedly use "one-thousands" but those aren't as menacing as "alligators." [See below for a ferocious picture]

2. Jiffy: Lo and behold, the "jiffy" is actually used as a unit of measurement. According to Wikipedia a jiffy is typically 0.01 seconds.

Well, whatever the case, now we know when someone says they'll be "back in a jiffy," we can hold them to it.

Also, we have some serious questions for the Jiffy Pop guys. More like 300 jiffys. Jerks.

1. Bucket: Then, of course, there is the bucket. Long-time readers of Regards, Everyone can look back and see the love for the bucket.

And it still stands as the best Alternative Unit of Measurement.

Of course, Mr. Alternative Units of Measurement, there are so many to choose from. An honorable mention would have to be the shake. Well, two shakes to be more specific.

We look forward to using more of you in our daily lives.

Thank you.


Now, I'll give you three alligators to find me a place that can bring me a bucket of Alaskan king crab in a jiffy. Thanks.

And ... what is your favorite Alternative Unit of Measurement?


  1. This post really spoke to me. Thank you.

    I wonder if the term jiff (I'll be back in a jiff) is a derivative of "jiffy" or just the peanut butter, Jif.

  2. i like the term "butt load" which probably started as "boat load." Also..with alternative measurments of temperature..my mom uses the terms "butt cold" and "ass hot" whatever that means.

  3. As a unit of length you can use "around the barn and back"