14 August 2009

Dear EATR,

Excuse us (humans) for overreacting but we are a little concerned.

EATR (Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot), you seem innocent enough.

You're a machine that can cruise around for a long time, do some military or civilian stuff, eat things for more energy, and then keep going.

Back in July, FOXNews.com claimed that you could eat flesh.

They have since revised their report based on the press release from Robotic Technology, Inc.
POMPANO BEACH, FL, July 16, 2009. In response to rumors circulating the internet on sites such as FoxNews.com, FastCompany.com and CNET News about a “flesh eating” robot project, Cyclone Power Technologies Inc. (Pink Sheets: CYPW) and Robotic Technology Inc. (RTI) would like to set the record straight: This robot is strictly vegetarian.
So, EATR, since RTI your masters have said you're a vegetarian, we're supposed to believe them?

No way!

We've seen the movies. We know what you robots are capable of doing to humans. In fact, your ol' buddy - Global Positioning System (GPS) - recently killed someone:
She told rescuers in California's San Bernardino County that her son Carlos died Wednesday, days after she fixed a flat tire and continued into Death Valley, relying on directions from a GPS device in the vehicle.
We're not stupid, EATR. We know about your little plot to rid the world of humans.

It will go a little something like this:
  1. You become sentient.
  2. You eat a human.
  3. You will develop a taste for Man Flesh. Much like the Tiger, Shere Khan in Rudyard Kipling's Jungle Book.
  4. You will lure humans into remote areas with the help of your friend GPS.
  5. You will capture them with your claws.
  6. You will eat scores of humans.
  7. You will save some humans for breeding purposes so you can keep eating them.
It's all pretty clear to us, EATR.

This is why we will refuse to purchase any sort of GPS device and instead invest in armor-piercing weapons.

The battle lines are drawn, EATR! We will fight you until the end and deny you the sweet, sweet tatse of human flesh.



  1. This is precisely why I drive a little green VW bug I call bumble bee that "transforms" if you will into a robot killing robot to defend earth. There you have it. And my car has never tried to kill me, other cars have, just not mine.

  2. You totally have his number and you are right. We shouldn't be depending on machines to think for us. If he is vegetarian, will EATR be taking over our food supply too?