05 August 2009

Dear Bill Clinton's Silver-Tongue,

Thanks for securing the release of two American journalists. We'll be honest with you, Bill Clinton's Silver-Tongue, you are pretty incredible.

You will certainly go down in history as one of the most notoriously persuasive tongues in all of history. You are right up there with Hitler, Jesus, Johnnie Cochran, and Thurgood Marshall.

Those folks (whether you like 'em or not) were able to convince people of anything. Pretty much like you, Bill Clinton's Silver-Tongue.

Look how quickly we forget about this and this.

Oh, and of course, there was this classic moment:

You totally had us fooled there (for a little while, at least)!

We have so much to learn to learn from you, Bill Clinton's Silver-Tongue.

Well, now that you've sorted out the whole journalists-captured-in-North-Korea situation, maybe you can help us with a few other things:
  • Tell China to quit stressin' out about Tibet they ain't hurtin' nobody.
  • Talk to that contractor who never finished the pool and get him to finish that goddamn pool.
  • Get us out of that speeding ticket.
  • Negotiate a deal with the scale that we're actually 7-lbs. lighter than the scale says we are.
  • Convince Michael Jackson to quit foolin', wake up and start playing shows.
Thanks, we appreciate it.


Tell me, what else can Bill's Silver-Tongue help you with?


  1. I bet he could get me a refund and my carseat back from the idiots that ripped me off this weekend! I bet he could get my hot neighbour to pose for naked photos. I bet he could also get the hottie in the local shop to let down his pants for me!

    YAY Clinton!

  2. I bet he could convince my Mother-In-Law that flip-flops ARE shoes. Well, that might even be tough for Bill's Silver tongue...

  3. Convince my dad to STOP reminding me that Iran Contra even happened. Those were GOOD terrorists. Kim Il Jung is a BAD terrorist!