Dear Drunk Clown,

If we had to be grown adults in make-up and entertain bratty children, we'd probably drink a lot too:

Patricia Ingalls is the clown who Wheeling [Ohio] police arrested for alleged drunken driving late Friday after they said she left the scene of an accident.

Ingalls talked with NEWS9 Sunday and said that she's sorry that the children she went to entertain witnessed her being taken into custody.
[WTOV]

So, Drunk Clown, it turns out you were drinking, you hit and run, you went to a kids party, you were led away in handcuffs with children hanging on you saying "Don't take the clown."

If those children didn't hate clowns already, they sure do now. Thanks, Drunk Clown.

Know what else is impressive? Your 0.252 Blood Alcohol Content.

According to Wikipedia if your BAC is between 0.21 and 0.29, your behavior includes:

• Stupor
• Loss of understanding
• Impaired sensations

All this goes along some of the behavior shown at a BAC of 0.11 to 0.20:

• Over-expression
• Emotional swings
• Anger or sadness
• Boisterous

Sound familiar? Oh, wait, that's right. That's what clowns do!


So, Drunk Clown, it appears as if you revealed the worst kept secret in the Clown Industry: You are all drunks.

But you're the clown that got caught, Drunk Clown!

Other clowns don't clown around and don't get clowned by the cops when they get Clown Drunk (the clown equivalent to Piss Drunk). Other clowns carefully toe that sad, sad line between getting drunk and molesting entertaining children.

Looks like you can't hack it, Drunk Clown. We hope your clowning days are over. As a matter of fact, we hope the days of all clowns come to an end.


Regards,
Everyone

A BAC of 0.252 is a lot. Trust me. We have a friend with a breathalyzer. Enough said.

Also, y'know when you write a lot of the same word it starts to look weird? That's happening with me and "clown" right now.