Dear Dolphins Who Blow Rings,

We are all worried.

We don't know what plans you have for yourselves and the world but it's really only a matter of time before you take over the world with your creepy language and your superior intelligence and learning skills.

First there's bubble rings that you can manipulate with your snout and then what? Seashell-Bombs to kill all humans?!




Not surprisingly, The Onion broke the story of dolphins and their opposable thumbs back in 2000:

Thus far, all the opposable digits encountered appear to be fully functional, making it possible for dolphins–believed to be capable of faster and more complex cogitation than man–to manipulate objects, fashion tools, and construct rudimentary pulley and lever systems.
[The Onion // 30 Aug 2000]

First it's thumbs and then what? Some sort of water-helmet device that allows you to breathe out of water and enslave humans?!

Listen, Dolphins Who Blow Rings, with Barack Obama in the White House bringing Republicans and Democrats together, we feel as if President Obama can bring Dolphins and Humans together. We can truly coexist in peace and happiness.

Please have mercy on us.


Regards,
Everyone