28 April 2009

Dear Vitamin Water Vending Machine,

Not too long ago, we learned that some vending machines take credit cards and we also learned some new Vitamin Water flavors.

What we discovered the other day takes the best of both worlds and puts them into one machine. That machine is you, Vitamin Water Vending Machine.

When we walked past you, we did a double-take. Our heads snapped back, wondering, "Did we just have a stroke? Are we hallucinating?" This is no dream. This is reality. Our hearts were filled with joy.

You could never let us down, Vitamin Water Vending Machine. Keep up the fantastic work.


Regards,
Everyone

Some people like to play those "Desert Island..." games. Like, what are the Top 5 foods you'd have on a desert island or what hot babes/dudes would you want to have on the island or the Top 5 albums you'd take to a desert island.

But I've got a new spin on this game: What are your Top 3 Desert Island Vending Machines?

3. M&M vending machine.
2. A beer vending machine.
1. And, of course, the Vitamin Water Vending Machine.

N.B. Photo taken with my Canon PowerShot SD1100IS.

Dear White Stripes Kittens,

We forgot about you. And we can't believe we forgot about you guys. But we found you again. And all is well in the world.

Take two things:
  1. The fantastic garage-rock song "Fell In Love With A Girl" by The White Stripes.
  2. Your kitten band.
Animate you guys so you'll play drums and guitar with your paws and we get an explosion of cuteness the likes of which we haven't seen since Kittenwar.com!

Click here to see this incredible music video.

Keep rocking the free world.


Regards,
Everyone

27 April 2009

Dear Good Ballpoint Pens,

Humans are forever lamenting the fact that they can't find a "good pen" these days. Where have you gone, Good Ballpoint Pens? We try out different pens, we go to different office supply stores, sometimes we even go with the free ones our bank gives us 'cause we signed up for free-checking!

But, alas, none are good enough and the struggle continues.

The frustrating part is that we know you're out there, Good Ballpoint Pens. We know because there are others who don't complain about their pens at all. They seem to be happy with their Ballpoint Pens.

They are happy with their smudgeless checks, evenly spread ink on notebook paper, and birthday card notes that don't have letters scratched in a few times because the ink won't work on the high-gloss paper.

Listen, we'd all love to have a Montblanc pen but we're looking for good working-class sort of pens. An everyday pen. A Good Ballpoint Pen.

And after many months of searching, we think we've found some fine candidates! Here are our Top 3 "Good Ballpoint Pens":
3. Uni-Ball Vision: A steady and even distribution of ink keeps us reaching for this pen again and again. As with all capped pens, be sure to place the cap at the end of the pen to keep the pen balanced nicely while you write.

2. Uni-Ball Deluxe: This classic and classy looking gold barrel pen is fantastic! The 0.5mm micro-point version (you can find them in a dark-gray barrel) is a bit too tiny for our tastes and the ink does not seem to distribute as well especially when the ink starts to run out. However, from start to finish, the 0.7mm point in the gold barrel certainly provides an excellent distribution of ink on almost any writing surface!

1. Zebra Sarasa: This pen certainly surprised us when it was handed to us at the bank. So taken aback at the quality, we made at least two praise-filled comments to the teller and she kindly offered to let us keep it. The comfortable rubber grip, an excellent blend of water-based pigment gel ink, the convenience of the retractable point, are all qualities that makes this an absolutely wonderful instrument of writing. How does it write? Like a dream. The navy blue color is very dark, the distribution of ink is thick but very even and it dries quickly for smooth, quick and efficient writing.
As might notice, Good Ballpoint Pens, we certainly like the 0.7mm version of you. While we're fine with the compact efficiency of 0.5mm pens and its ability to write in small spaces, we prefer the 0.7mm and its thicker, smoother and more even distribution of ink to quickly write our impassioned love notes, our fervent manifestos, and our stern ransom letters.

We finally found you, Good Ballpoint Pen. Now it's time to buy you in bulk.


Regards,
Everyone

What are some of your favorite ballpoint pens? We're talking, like, consumer-model pens. Not ultra-nice, expensive, executive-model pens.

N.B. Photo taken with my Canon PowerShot SD1100IS.

Dear Pig,

Okay, so there's the regular flu. There's "flu" that we get when we want to ditch work to see an mid-afternoon baseball game. There's the bird flu. And now there's swine flu?

For decades we've been taught to love our curly-tailed friends! We've been taught to respect you and care about you, Pig. We all read saw you do amazing things in Babe. And we all saw read about your amazing accomplishments in Charlotte's Web. You are quite an inspirational and intelligent creature!

But now we are growing to fear you!
WASHINGTON - The world’s governments raced to avoid both a pandemic and global hysteria Sunday as more possible swine flu cases surfaced from Canada to New Zealand and the United States declared a public health emergency.
[MSNBC]
We had to declare a health emergency because of you, you goddamn Pig! Unbelievable! This sort of hogwash isn't supposed to happen here.

Swine Flu is transmitted if a human touches you. We're not touching any of you for a very long time. But someone has. Some - shockingly not-surprisingly - are students! What the hell are students doing touching you on Spring Break trips in Mexico?!
Canada became the third country to confirm cases, in six people, including some students who — like some New York City spring-breakers — got mildly ill in Mexico.
[MSNBC]
We're not sure what is worse: You Pigs not getting their flu shots every season or these stupid humans handling you Pigs when they should be enjoying foam parties in Cancún.

So, Pig, if you know what's good for you, you'll steer clear from us. We're looking forward to a great summer and not a summer in bed fighting off the Swine Flu.


That'll do, Pig. That'll do.

No, really. We're not kidding. Cut it out.

Regards,
Everyone

Knowledge:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swine_influenza



I hope we can still eat pigs because I had a great BLT last night.

24 April 2009

Dear Leeroy Jenkins,

It's Friday. It has been a long week. And as usual, Friday has been dragging its feet.

So, that's where you come in, Leeroy Jenkins!




Hahahahaha. Oh boy, that really hit the spot. Thanks, Leeroy. Now can you possibly get Friday to hurry the fuck up?


Regards,
Everyone



Knowledge:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leeroy_Jenkins