Dear Big Screen TV,

Watch out, 'cause California might ban you!

The California Energy Commission is considering a proposal that would ban California retailers from selling all but the most energy-efficient televisions. Critics say the news standards could take 25 percent of televisions off the market — most of them 40 inches or larger.
~ Brian Joseph // OC Register

Well, now I regret not buying one of you while Circuit City was in its death throes.

And listen to this propaganda that the state of California is spitting out:

How much money can these proposals save?

These proposals can save you $18 to nearly $30 per year per television.
http://www.energy.ca.gov/appliances/tv_faqs.html

Yep,that's it, Big Screen TV. California is willing to sell you out for a savings of $30 per TV, per year.

The world already says it's inefficient to have large SUVs, big gas-guzzling trucks, and big ol' 200-watt light bulbs, the least we can have is you, Big Screen TV. I hope you're with us for a long, long time.


Regards,
Everyone

Do you like your big ass TV? Let the California Energy Commission Commission know how you feel because these regulations might go down sooner than you think: appliances@energy.state.ca.us

Dear Legos,

Remember a while back when that guy tried to steal a bunch of you? Do you know why that is?

BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING EXPENSIVE.

Seriously, go take a look at yourself. Even at Wal-Mart a 40 piece set costs, like, a million dollars.

In this economy, how are mothers and fathers supposed to teach their kids about spatial relationships and the value of sturdy, steadfast construction?

Screw paying for you, I'm going to Wal Mart and stealing boxes of the Childhood Memories(tm) that are rightfully mine.



Regards,
Everyone

Disclaimer: Regards, Everyone certainly does advocate the stealing of Childhood Memories(tm).

$200,000.00 worth of Legos might build you a small fire station:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10200275/

Dear Prius Drivers,

Some people are aggressive drivers. Some people are cautious drivers. Some people are safe drivers. Some people are respectful drivers. But I have never seen someone drive in a self-righteous way until I saw you, Prius Driver.

We get it. You spent the extra money to buy this fuel-efficient - but costly - motor vehicle. After all, if you don't, who will?

So, you drive with this smug self-righteousness:

1. You drive the speed limit. Exactly the speed limit. Not a mph faster, not a mph slower.


2. You leave at least 4 car-lengths between your Precious Prius and the car in front of you.


3. You don't run through yellow lights.


4. You make full and complete stops.


5. You park on the side of Wilshire during the time you're not supposed to park and just casually flip on your hazard lights thus ensuring people see your self-righteousness. As if to say, "Look at me. I'm driving a Prius and holding up goddamn traffic."


6. You have some sort of nut-case liberal sticker on the back that make normal Democrats cringe and make Republicans want to stockpile more guns.


7. You have this smug look on your face at the gas station when you visit the pump for the first time this month.


8. You have the right of way. Every way. Every time.


9. UPDATE: You get in a fender-bender with another car and you step out of the car and yell at the other driver: "I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN A GODDAMN ACCIDENT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! EVER." Woah there, Prius Driver, we get it. You are a perfect driver. You can do no wrong.


10. UPDATE (5 August 2009): You creep all the way into a busy intersection trying to make a left turn without any regard for the oncoming traffic speeding at you at 40mph. But you have to make the left turn. You deserve to make people slam on their brakes so you can make that turn. Asshole.

The list goes on and on.

We get it, Prius Driver. You're single-handedly saving the world.

Screw you.



Regards,
Everyone

Tell me about your experiences with a smug, self-righteous Prius Driver!

Dear Space Bat,

Rest in peace, Space Bat. You are a hero among bats.





Regards,
Everyone

From NASA: "Bat Hung onto Shuttle During Liftoff"

A bat that was clinging to space shuttle Discovery’s external fuel tank during the countdown to launch the STS-119 mission remained with the spacecraft as it cleared the tower, analysts at NASA’s Kennedy Space Center concluded.

Dear New Vitamin Water Flavors,

You guys taste pretty delicious! You are especially helpful during hangovers.

Interesting to point that - at the time of publication - you are not officially on the Vitamin Water web site!

How mysterious!


Regards,
Everyone

Vitamin Water Sync (Berry-Cherry; "Download of vitamins and antioxidants") and Tranquilo (Tamarind and Pineapple; "A+C+E"). Here they are in captivity as found at my local 7-Eleven convenience store:


N.B. Photo taken with my Canon PowerShot SD1100IS.