Dear Time Warner Cable,

This is the second time in two weeks that our cable TV and Internet has been out for over a day. I mean, thanks for fixing it. I guess. All your service folk are actually nice. But these problems probably shouldn't happen in the first place, right?

Aside from the obvious, I'm not sure what an amplifier does but I took a look at it and its RadioShack-style power supply and - let's be honest here - it doesn't look all that complicated. These things shouldn't be breaking down.

So, c'mon assholes pull your shit together.

And while I'm ranting ... Why the hell did you move Animal Planet to some premium cable package after you bought Adelphia? Jerks.

Whatever. I'm probably switching to AT&T's TV and Internet service anyway. Like a gold-digging boy/girlfriend, I've wasted enough time and money on you.

Thanks for playing, Time Warner Cable. You'll get 'em next season.


Regards,
Everyone

The culprit:

Dear Friday,

Thanks for stopping by. Now hurry the fuck up and get out of here.


Regards,
Everyone

Dear Heath Ledger,

If you don't win the Oscar, the Academy have no souls.

And this is Hollywood, right? Let's be honest here, you winning the Oscar is good television.

Rest In Peace, buddy.


Regards,
Everyone

Dear Tetris,

Wow! Thanks for helping me with my Post-Traumatic Stress Order!

Well, at least according to this research article.

Now where did I put my Nintendo Game Boy .....


Regards,
Everyone

Stop nightmares and flashbacks. Play Tetris: http://www.freetetris.org/

Dear F. Scott Fitzgerald,

Boy, I sure hope that The Curious Case of Benjamin Button wins Best Adapted Screenplay at the Academy Awards this Sunday so you can get a shout-out.

Big ups to, F.S.F.! w00t, w00t! holla!!


Regards,
Everyone